perhaps i should stop being a fool…

Sometimes it just hurts so much when you treat people sincerely and in the end what you get is just disappointment. Ironically when we say we don’t expect anything in return when we treat people well or sincerely, we actually do.. we expect that at least people would not do things to harm or hurt us…I mean, is that really that difficult?

Society killed the faith I have in people time and again… yet I have been trying hard to convince myself that there are still good, nice and sincere people around…

It’s such a fake world these days..people are so pragmatic…

Sometimes, it’s better not being able to see clearly… at least it doesn’t feel that painful…

Feeling so sick and nostalgic that history has to just keep repeating itself. But I just can’t bear to not believe again… Does that mean that I deserve it to keep getting hurt repeatedly?

Image Credit: Google Images

 

 

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emo surge

Life is just a cycle where similar events just keep repeating.

At different stages of life, we meet different people.. most of them come and go.. especially when they proceed to a next stage in their lives…

We probably still remember one another, but are too busy with current events happening in life that we have less time or attention for our past.

We just keep living on.. even though from time to time I will look back again…and miss those people whom have been part of my life before… but how many will still stay in touch?

And when it has been too long, people just lose touch.. things are never the same anymore the next time we meet… we may not be as close as before anymore..

OK, enough of missing the past.. time to live on and work again..Just like the waves and tide, it’s just a surge, and now everything back to normal again…

Life: A daily LIVE Movie…

When we see programs that we do not like to watch on TV,
we can just switch channels.

However, life is a daily LIVE broadcast.
Problems can’t be solved just by merely switching channels.

LIVE broadcasts allow no NGs and allow no replays…There are so many audiences in this ongoing show…
We can only pray the audiences missed the parts where you didn’t perform well..
Or that they will forget about the un-glam scenes..

We are required to react accordingly when things or hiccups happen.
and are expected to do it well…When you don’t do it well, people around you would give all sorts of comments and suggestions as though they have done so well in their own LIVE broadcasts…

Episodes after episodes just broadcast daily…
There is no time for us to replay any of the episodes..
We can only describe what happened before in post-sypnosis..

Sometimes I wonder who is the Director of my film..Is it really me?  But not everything is within my control….

Some people’s life are dramatic.
Everyday there are many happenings…
Some people just live their lives monotonously…

When i have the time and mood, I would love to write a post-sypnosis of certain chapters….cos those are the significant ones.. the rest of the days, i probably just lived it monotonously like a living robot..

Audio eBook from NLB!

Discovered something new today while searching for food for brain…

I think this service has been there for some time already. Just that it has been a long time since I logged in the National Library Board account.

It is convenient and I do not have to read the book from a physical book nor from the screen.. I can in fact listen to it leisurely while working too..

Users can sign up for a free account (for Singaporeans) and borrow the ebook and listen to the book in your browser.

I am pretty amazed and happy about this new discovery…

The book I chose to listen to today is “Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom”

Few points that I would like to note down from listening to the first two chapters:

  • Do not do anything that will create distance between you and another person: Doing LESS is sometimes the best thing to do.
  • There is nothing wrong with that person and there is nothing wrong with you; what went wrong was your relationship/ communication
  • Creativity is important in relationship building – Do things that are unexpected, there may be amazing results that improves the relationship greatly.
  • Being specific about your problem is very important. Life is lived specifically. It is all the details that count.
  • Regardless of what has happened to us, Choice Theory does not focus on the past as the cause of present difficulty. Many people want to stay in the past, they are afraid to deal with the present problem and are happy to escape into the past to find someone to blame for their present unhappiness. People use the past to avoid facing what is really happening to their lives now. They avoid dealing with unpleasant present that they have to do something about now. To blame is much easier than to choose to change.

 

I think it is good to learn and note them interesting points down..it would be a nice reminder or nice read some time down the road…

 

Trust…

Is trust really broken or has trust ever been there?

People always claim that they trusted someone so much and got betrayed..

If there is complete trust, there shouldn’t be suspicions or any leeway for others to come into the picture to break the relationship just by small little actions to imply that the other person cannot be trusted…

Why is it so that anyone can come in so easily to change everything and all that they have gone through just in a very short timeframe?

Why are there people whom are so capable of destroying others’ relationship and then still carry on their lives unaffected?

What is the purpose and aim of such people? What do they gain?

There are so many things I have queries about…

These are questions that can never be confronted straight in the face. Some may disagree…but if you are not closely related to the people involved, who will reveal the truth to you?

Furthermore, human beings only like to hear nice things… they pretend that they can accept criticism if brought across in a diplomatic or right way. For some, they keep quiet and reflect and try to improve. Some just want to ‘win’ the situation by defending themselves with all the logical reasons they can think of…

We don’t want to judge and we shouldn’t. But in the first place, why did the problem occur?

If you really trust a person, would you even be affected by other’s negative comments on him/her? Or is it because ironically when you think and announce to the world that you trust this person, you are actually the person that doesn’t trust him/ her completely? 

A lot of relationships are destroyed based on trust. 

If you google the word “trust”, the first definition that comes up is: 

firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

“relations have to be built on trust”

Then may I ask, if in the first place there is a firm belief, why is it so that it can be altered so easily? Why is the relationship so vulnerable? 

The most common answer I have heard from different walks of life is “Because they have been hurt and they have forgiven, but history keep repeats itself. And there is a tolerance level to everything..”

This is toxic. It’s a drug. You have not forgiven. You are not so benovelent. So stop acting. *laugh out loud*

It’s precisely you have not forgiven; that’s why you keep repeating it to yourself and to others. If you cannot forgive, just admit it! It’s healthier and better for the relationship…

It’s only by admitting that you cannot forgive, and accepting the problem, that you have a better understanding of each other.. then you can grow together… be it a friend, or your partner…

Yes. It’s crude. You can hate me for saying all of the above. But it’s just my blog… my Xinful Thotz…

People’s judgements…

If someone has subconsciously made a judgement, the actual process no longer serves a purpose.

Cos perceptions are normally not easy to alter; just like first impressions.

 

Personally, I feel that there is no need to try to convince or change them. Why?

To judge is to decide authoritatively; to hold as an opinion; to conclude about or assess.

Since the person has already judged, he/she has already sentenced you by drawing a conclusion.

What is the point of proving or explaining further when there is already a decision/ conclusion?

 

Perceptions are normally related or linked to understanding human behaviour.

Dictionary.com defines perception as the result of perceiving (becoming aware of, knowing, or identifying by means of senses)

Perception, related to senses, varies from person to person since different people have different preferences and how they feel can be affected by their experiences and what they know in life…

 

To understand human behaviour, we would probably have to target at how people perceive for different situations. It is the perception of what reality is, and not what reality is about. The world as it is perceived; the social stigma is normally how people will generally perceive.

 

According to Wikipedia,

{Social stigmas can occur in many different forms. The most common deals with culture, obesity, gender, race, illness and disease. Many people who have been stigmatized, feel as though they are transforming from a whole person to a tainted one. They feel different and devalued by others. This can happen in the workplace, educational settings health care, the criminal justice system and even in their own family. For example, the parents of overweight women are less likely to pay for their daughters’ college education than are the parents of average-weight women.

Stigma may also be described as a label that associates a person to a set of unwanted characteristics that form a stereotype. It is also affixed. Once people identify and label your differences others will assume that is just how things are and the person will remain stigmatized until the stigmatizing attribute is undetected. A considerable amount of generalization is required to create groups, meaning that you put someone in a general group regardless of how well they actually fit into that group. However, the attributes that society selects differ according to time and place. What is considered out of place in one society could be the norm in another. When society categorizes individuals into certain groups the labeled person is subjected to status loss and discrimination. Society will start to form expectations about those groups once the cultural stereotype is secured.

Stigma may affect the behavior of those who are stigmatized. Those who are stereotyped often start to act in ways that their stigmatizers expect of them. It not only changes their behavior, but it also shapes their emotions and beliefs.  Members of stigmatized social groups often face prejudice that causes depression (i.e. deprejudice). These stigmas put a person’s social identity in threatening situations, like low self-esteem. Because of this, identity theories have become highly researched. Identity threat theories can go hand-in-hand with labeling theory.

Members of stigmatized groups start to become aware that they aren’t being treated the same way and know they are probably being discriminated against. Studies have shown that “by 10 years of age, most children are aware of cultural stereotypes of different groups in society, and children who are members of stigmatized groups are aware of cultural types at an even younger age.”

 

This leads me to thinking of the relation of Perception versus Reality. Some people may feel that what others perceive is not true…But what is reality and what Is the truth? Who can determine that another person’s experience is not true??

I realize that it is often one thought, that leads you to go and search for what it really means. Then through that many other topics are linked whereby we can find out more about.. it’s amazing when we start to think… then there will be more to learn about..

Trapped in a dimension…

Have you ever been stuck in a certain dimension? I believe that human beings will be trapped in a certain dimension at some point of our lives… Especially those who are more focused with what they do..

A person who is focused directs all his energy, strength and concentration into a particular activity. When one is so engrossed in the process or the activity itself, he becomes obsessed and addicted and probably in turn thinks he is literally in that world…that’s how strong our minds can be…

It can bring us to a dimension that probably no one can enter even though physically two persons can be in the same dimension…

When does this phenomenon usually occur? It can be as simple as when we are reading a novel, watching a show, playing a game, gambling, drinking alcoholic drinks, listening to music; when people are on drugs; when the person is feeling sad or simply deep in thoughts.

The familiarity of this phenomenon comes from daily experiences…

Recently, the game Pokemon Go launched in Singapore. Being a person who likes to go after whatever that is in trend, I downloaded the game as well. 

Till now, even though I am considered pretty addicted to the game, I cannot figure out what is so fun and addictive about it.

Is it the urge to collect all the pokemons? Or is it the excitement of trying to hunt for the pokemons in a virtual reality world that flushes with what we can see daily? Or probably for some, the desire to compete with others? 

Its through playing the game I realised the potential of our minds when we are focused in an activity… this led me to think about other activities (as listed above) that can bring me into another dimension – a dimension that all other sounds become just noise… a dimension that you only hear voices but no longer listen..

And why is it so that it is easier to be engrossed feeling sad than feeling happy? Is the society somehow sick as the thirst for pain and sadness is more addictive than the pursuit of happiness? 

Why is sadness easier to relate? I remember I have read somewhere in self development books before that people tend victimised themselves and wallow in self pity..and that is why people nowadays are more prone to depression… 

Or maybe I shouldn’t generalise too much. Maybe it is only me. Perhaps I am the only one feeling this way? But no, I am pretty positive that I am not the only one.. cos I have heard similar opinions….

Guess I still have a lot to explore in life.. perhaps Psychology or Human Behaviour is a field I am interested in reading and learning more…