Have you ever met people whom think that they are so important to you? They feel that they are playing such an important role in your life that you have to be at their beck and call. It is as though without them your whole life will collapse or your whole life only revolves around them.
I had, and believe many of us do encounter such people in our lives from time to time. I am definitely not the only one experiencing this as I have heard people around me sharing similar experiences.
Just yesterday, I had a brief conversation with a colleague’s girlfriend (Jane) who seemed to have met up with such situation. Apparently, her friend, whom often rejects her invitations to meet up for a catch up suddenly texted her and asked if she was free this weekend to help her fetch her kid at some learning centre, fetch her at another location and then send her back to Jurong when Jane stays in Sengkang.
Jane rejected her friend politely. I was very curious why her friend would have such request, so I probed further. That friend of hers is a childhood friend since they were probably 7. They have always been in contact but her friend is always busy unless when she needs help.
This again sets me thinking, then why does she think she is so important that Jane has to do things like fetching her kid and chauffeuring her back home on a weekend? Could it be because she is so busy that the only time to catch up with a close friend is via the trip?
I have met people whom have very tight schedule, but would try to catch up with friends by inviting their friend to their house for a coffee or even dinner. Is Jane’s friend really that busy or trying to get convenience at the expense of her friend?
At this point of time, some may say, that’s what friends are for or it’s only a small favour, no big deal. It is definitely not a very big matter, it is expectations amongst or between friends.
What puzzles me is what kind of mentality gave Jane’s friend the benchmark of her expectations towards Jane? Is she merely taking Jane for granted? Can we consider her as self-centred since she did not consider factors like distance and purpose of the meeting?
When expectations don’t meet, problem arises.
As friends, we need to learn to compromise to allow expectations to be met. Sometimes people expect more from others because they would be willing to do that much for others.
People, with their own ideology, perceive that they are able to set a certain benchmark in expectation as that benchmark is what they think they can do. However, in many cases, sometimes the balance goes skewed.
Respecting yourself is important. However, we should not confuse self-love with big ego.
So what is the difference between self-love and big ego? Do you, most of the time, think that you play a very important role in others’ life? Do you often think that you are better than others? If the answers to above questions are yes, most probably, as much as you may hate to admit it, you do generally have a bigger ego.
Self-love or self-respect doesn’t mean you have to keep comparing whether you are better or worse than others. People with self-love or self-respect do not compare as they understand the fact that everyone has our strengths and weaknesses. They recognise that they do not focus on one or the other as they often look at the whole picture.
All of us have five senses. If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. Does that mean that people who have increased sense of self-importance probably have something missing in their lives? Could they be too lonely, too empty?